Since I am fortunate in having my own domain names as well as having a pretty good broadband supplier, I do not have a problem with spam. The vast majority is deleted by my host/isp before I get to see it and the occasional stuff that does get through never actually reaches my inbox since my email software allows me to see the ‘from’ and ‘subject’ on the server and subsequently choose not to download it.

Frustratingly though, I do, like many people and probably you too, get email from people in one such social/business group or other where you have to spend precious time reading before you realise the information given (often in a long winded, round the houses, scenic route, you get my drift, kind of fashion) rarely has any relevance.

And then of course, putting aside the ‘forwarded’; ‘email this to ten of your friends else you’ll be cursed’; ‘forwarded’; ‘just thought you might like to know about this so I have forwarded it to you along with everybody else who somehow got added to my address book – aren’t I clever I can use email now’; ‘forwarded’; ‘have you seen this one – yes, four times already because yours is not the only address book I have the unfortunate pleasure of being added to’; ‘re:fwd:Re:fwd:Fwd:’; there’s that rather annoying kind of email where someone in a group sends a personal reply to somebody else and – probably because they don’t understand the difference between ‘reply to sender’ and ‘reply to group’, or as I suspect is generally the case; they don’t know how to use their email software anyway – you get a copy a it.

Now, I’m not complaining: In fact, I count myself incredibly lucky that I don’t have to work for an organisation where you get copious carbon copies (yes, that’s what the ‘cc’ stands for – it’s what typists did before someone invented the photocopier) of re/fwd emails of every useless thread of irrelevant information from faceless individuals you’ve never met and are never likely too, and (dare I say it, but I know it happens in the marketing department at the AA and I doubt very much they’re the only ones) even from the person sat next you !!

It’s just that I’ve discovered there are some people in the world I inhabit who because they spend their days eating lotus flowers assume everybody else must be eating them too.

I’ve had enough of useless time wasters and so I’ve delved deep into my email software and discovered a magical thing called a ‘whitelist’. And my new night club bouncer is great:

Sorry mate, private party. If you’re not on the list you’re not getting in.

No more checking headers on the server, filtering what might be relevant, setting up new folders for different emails groups and trawling through loads of crap to find the information; I will now only know about, and indeed read email from people who are on my whitelist. I can give out any of my email addresses to any person or group who wants it safe in the knowledge that I can take great pleasure in only actually getting and reading the important stuff.

Oh and apologies if you haven’t made my whitelist, not that you’d know anyway! May I suggest you stop eating lotus flowers?

PS: And for my bonus point the title of the one and only Top 40 hit for ‘The Lotus Eaters’ was The First Picture of You which reached number No.15 back in 1983. (And yes Ian, of course I cheated!)