I saw my psychiatrist yesterday. My last appointment was 5 months ago, so it’s been a while; which for me is a good thing, not that I don’t want to see my psychiatrist (she’s very good) but simply because if I’m not seeing her then I’m doing well.

And I am doing well, considering.

Following a severe downturn back in late November, early December where I went back to some nasty ultra-rapid-cycling and experienced some pretty damn awful lows, Rich and I decided it was time to up my daily dose of Lamotrigine to 125mg.

I’ve been doing fine again since. Yes, there have been some ups and some downs, but short, and not too high or too low. ‘Manageable’ would be the right word.

And now?

Well now I’m feeling like I actually have a life. I am more active, I have a better routine (in part, down to working with my psychologist), and I’m enjoying things more. My mind is clearer, I can think better, I am far more productive and don’t have this horrible ‘need to catch up’ air about me.

And I’m writing a lot more too. Which is great for me, because that’s what I love to do.

A down side?

Well, yeah. At the moment, I have a lot of stuff in my head. Too much? I’m not neccessarily worried about it and to be honest it’s all on in my Mac too as I have an excellent piece of easy to use simple software to keep track of everything in a GTD fashion, as well as in iCal, it’s just that there are a lot of things happening now in various parts of my life and where as before I would spend many, many days in a void, now my life is filling up and becoming more meaningful on a daily basis.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, it’s just that this level of freedom from such a destructive force as ultra-rapid-cycling bipolar II is difficult to adjust to. There’s a sence of ‘is this really right?’

I have more confidence in myself and my abilities and actually consider myself to be a playwright now, and know I will make a living from it and hopefully sooner rather than later.

It’s a weird feeling to know you’re finally going in the right direction after two long decades of going absolutely nowhere in various states of hypomania and depression.

Having said that, I wouldn’t be where I am now, if I hadn’t spent that time going round in circles. I don’t regret it all.

So there you are, just a quick five hundred and sixty seven word report on my mental health for those of you that are interested in these things, and I know that some of you are.

And my psychiatrist?

Well she was just as pleased as I am, she gave me permission to up my dose again if I ever felt it necessary and we agreed to meet again in another five months.

Lets hope the next five are as good as the last five, though judging by the phone call I received while shopping in Morrison’s after the appointment, I have a sneaking suspicion they’ll probably be better.

More soon.

PS: If you’re reading this in Facebook or via RSS, you may want to check out my new look website I’ve had a well overdue overhaul!